In case you didn’t hear the news, some really cool sciencey stuff happened this week that proves rapid universal expansion a fraction of a tiny second after the Big Bang. Gravitational waves, first proposed in Einstein’s Theory of Relativity nearly a century ago, have been found. Einstein was right.

Of course, I was.
Albert Einstein, 1953. Photograph: Ruth Orkin/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

“What does that mean?” you may well ask. “Is the universe going to explode? Will I get a tax break?”

Well, to be perfectly honest, we don’t really know what it means yet, because we’re just dumb Type I primates without the knowledge to travel out of our own solar system let alone go around the block. Nothing has essentially changed with this discovery. Gravity still works the same way. The Earth still rotates around the Sun. We still don’t know how the Big Bang banged in the first…