Fellow reader’s,

This year started out on a emotional roller coaster to say the least. The one thing you hope that never happens does happen. It has turned out to be a long recovery road with all that has happened. 

In January 2017, she lost her mother to cancer.  She has never felt so much pain in her heart as she does right now.  It has taken a toll on her in so many ways she cannot even begin to describe the pain and emotions that is going through her heart and soul. This is by far the hardest thing that she has gone through in her life. It is something that she would ever wish on anyone else. 

As the months go by she thinks about her mother all the time wishing she was here for her to talk to, and tell her about her life. The things that happens in her life she cannot tell her mother because she is gone. She can talk to her in spirit and maybe it would make her feel better. That feeling you have when you do something that you have seen your mother do and it gives you goosebumps because you know that she is watching you from heaven. 

It is the smallest things that you do like one night she was braiding her hair and she was almost done and started crying because it was the same way that her mother braided her hair. It is those moments when you think that all things are hopeless and you cannot move on with your life. However, when you have a family and responsibilities you have to get up and keep moving. Making sure you are taking care of yourself, and your family.  

You know in your life you have to be strong because people rely on you to make the right decisions. You have to make a decision in life when something like this happens on whether or not you are going to let it consume your every morsel of life. If She were to stop everything that she is doing on her life right now she would feel consumed by the emotions that fill her heart full of sadness. 

She has to keep moving, and taking care of the precious things in her life which is her family, her children, and her job these are things that will suffer if she falls into a deep depression of heartache. It is so hard not to fall into something like that because her mother meant the world to her. Her mother was a vibrant, loving, heartwarming, and all around great person who would do anything to help you through anything that you were going through. 

As the months go by it does get a little easier to deal with the fact that she is not here to talk to or call at the moment when you want to talk to her. However, the times that you need someone like your mother for advice on certain situations you find that she is not there for you to call. All her life she has been independent never relying on others for anything. During this difficult time in her life right now she does not know how she will make it through but she does know that she has to take it day by day. 

The holidays are just around the corner and the holidays are something that she lived so much. This is going to be the hardest year for her because she does not know how she is going to handle not being able to spend Christmas with her mother anymore. They say that the first year is the hardest to get through because it is a first for everything. She can understand that because it is hard doing some of things that she does in her life. Because it makes her think of her mother. 

You know people around you try to console you and try to tell you things will get better. However, you have to heal on your time and there is not much people can say that will take the pain away because you have to find peace within yourself.  She had to keep living for her family and make the best of things.  Never forget about her kit her and always remember the good times and the wonderful memories that they made over the years. Those are the moments that will help you through the pain.